The loudest Voices
Updated: Feb 23
Have you ever had really loud people barge into your personal / mental / emotional space?
I‘m not taking about us Indians as a race. We are so loud OMG! You really begin to notice when you get out of India. Forget the non- stop honking, just our interactions within our group are not limited to ‘within the group’.
On our way back, kids and I were on the shuttle bus to our flight, and there was a group of happy retirees just headed back after a vacay at Hyderabad. The bus is a confined space and all of us co-passengers were just having a chuckle at their stories.
But it didn’t stop there! I could hear them all the way from the front to the middle of the plane.Until I think the air-hostess requested them to quieten down😁. And of course had anyone tried to stop them it would’ve been a lecture on “culture and respecting your elders“ or some other excuse (crap) like that.
So that’s us culturally.
But I'm referring to people who decide to barge in on your life just by being the Loudest Voices in your social circle.
I mean these people can just keep talking. They have so much to say. About everything. Everyone.
And they will just come and sit in your face and just speak into your lives.
More often than not, these conversations are very self serving and I feel, they come from a place of insecurity, or guilt, meanness of heart or just fishing for gossip.
Let me give you an example.
Scene: Well Respected Person, Prats and soon to be married Mr.N.
Well Respected Person : Hey Prats come sit sit.
Prats: Helloooo. Hey Mr.N! excited about the wedding? How's the preps etc...
Mr. N: Yeah all good, preps are so much work, ha ha ha...
Prats: you know WRP and spouse are really so cute together after all these years, you really should ask for tips.
WRP: What will I tell, you are twice married Prats, you know more...
Do you even understand an inch of my journey?
How did my divorce or my second marriage affect you? For that matter, how was my first marriage of any help to you? Except that it checked all the boxes for you about what we should look like.
Then there's always the usual people. I'm literally sighing as I type and try to find a safe word to use😅.
I wonder what would happen if I actually spoke up and said “ hey listen ......, we really don’t care if you speak to us or not. We honestly are Not talking about you or anyone you know for that matter, we don’t think we want to share our life with you, we have each other, you are Not fooling me with your two- faced lies, and Yes, I know it was you that keeps spreading those nasty things about me, so stop telling me you missed me...!” What‘s the worst that could happen?🤔
Of course husband is of the school of Patience and Grace, so Shabin always says to let it go.
And dear reader, in my head, I really do let it go. Proof? I haven't once said the above retort nor have I smirked or anything. I hadn't brought it up with you till date had I?
Mayyyybe I might have cold-shouldered a couple of times🤭....
And then what happens, the next social gathering, they're in my space again!! I mean, I can't be that interesting surely😆.
My ex says " Prats, people have other things to talk about, we're not the centre of the universe.." I wish that were true Marky, it's exhausting to know you have someone hating on you when they think of you.
Please note here, that I have left the city, heck the country, about 6 months ago, and so can there really be such a dearth of other issues?
Well, all hilarity apart, I really do want to say something to you.
Why this raises my heckles is that these loud mouths are not just physically loud. Many times it’s the softest bullies. But they permeate a lot of places and ruin reputations and just generally make life not-so- nice for people on their hit list. Now you could be on that list merely by virtue of leading a more interesting life. Actually strike that, your life is just different from theirs and that's all it takes.
1) Seriously, if you're the Loud ones: STOP. There are enough voices in our own heads and our own battles against Satan and all our own failures and regrets and it's a journey to overcome and try to live Holy and productive lives.
2) Everyone is on a journey. Parents wonder if they're doing right by the kids, kids are wondering if they're doing better than the expectations. Grand parents are trying to be better 'parents' to their grand kids... we're all just striving to be better than we were yesterday. LIVE YOUR OWN JOURNEY.
3) I've said this time and again, Find your people. They're your tribe. Live with them. Help them along. Lean in to them. This is your clan, you have nothing to do with another. Stay useful and productive and loving in YOUR Clan.
4) There are a few places where our clan lines intersect, make that interaction kind. Say hello, ask about each other's welfare, if you're asked to Pray, pray with the others and then MOVE On. No, you do not need to know how much someone paid for their dress unless you plan to really go and buy the same.
5) Have you heard of the phrase, ' stranger danger'. It's what kids are taught to yell if a suspicious person comes too close, or tries to interact with them, or worse tries to kidnap them(😿).
I think we need to teach adults to just learn to walk away from these busybodies. I don't mean huff and storm off, I mean stay, say hello and then politely excuse yourself and get away. Self care starts with protecting your mind, emotions and self esteem first. Words affect us whether we like them to or not.
6) If you are in a position of power or authority, and you do know these people, do us all a favour and stop them. Your silence is your approval. If you're not stopping people from hurting others, you're kind of responsible too.
And lastly, here's what I always say:
7) If you hate someone's guts, your lives don't intersect, then neither of you will lose anything by not talking to each other. JUST LET THAT PERSON GO. Smile from a distance because you really do intend to live in peace, but don't go hug them and then walk away and complain about how their perfume or their hair, or their life bothers you.
This rant was brought to you by memories of years.
And now, Shabin, I'm really letting it go🤣.
P.S : Still tempted to post pictures of everyone. I think this is like a plot twist where you might have a sequel.
Ok, now trying to really let it go🤞🏼.
P.P.S : Here's some pictures of my monkeys to make you smile anyway. :).